The first Christmas for my son. I am glad he is so young to not know with the divorce going on that Mommy is scrimping by on money because we don't get any child support. He does not realize we do not have a tree or presents or family.
His smile alone brightens the days. I wish that was gift enough for everyone.
I wished by now I would have gotten child support so I could get him some presents & also have a little extra money to get his older sister a present. It seems that won't happen this year.
I wish the Holidays could be pushed off....
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
My Son "when I was about to meet him"
Who would have thought after years of wishing for just 1 more child I would end up with a son that is 17 years younger than his sister. Well I guess wishes can come true. The circumstances I am dealing with was not in the wish but that is out of my control.
So each day with my son is a gift to me. He was born at 33 weeks.... I had no idea my water broke, I just thought I was leaking. You know all the women tell ya you pee yourself during pregnancy. Hmmm not my case as I went to my perinatologist to get swabbed to make sure it was nothing. I was at a high risk Dr due to my seizures which i had under control for about 2 years with a macrobiotic diet. The great thing about a specialist is a small practice, only dealing with 1 nurse, & personalized care. As I walked in that day I watched another woman pace the room in pain, I thought wow she is ready to drop. I just sat & played with my iPhone, chatting with my g/f's, making plans, & playing games.
Barb the nurse called me back. I thought wow I am gonna wait a while since this other woman seems in major pain if not labor. I hop on table, tell Barb about my great trip to Delaware, & we listen to Laine's heartbeat. I then have one of those braxton hicks... well Barb asks how many of them I had since getting to office, I say maybe 4 or 5. She is always calm but states she is having the Dr come in as soon as he walks out from the other room. Usually Barb leaves the room so you wait for Dr but now she would not close door & stood right by it as she shuffled other patients around always popping head in to see how I was. The Dr walks in and starts explaining pre term labor so he says he is gonna have them stress test me. That is until he looks in & tells me my membranes had ruptured. They tell me I am going upstairs to be monitored as there is nothing they can do to stop labor once your water breaks.
As I go upstairs I get many people coming into room.... First the resident Dr & nurse, they tell me of how they will monitor the baby & me to see how this will progress. Then the NICU Dr & nurse, then the anesthesiologist. Once they left the last nurse said oh don't have anyone rush over you will be here a while. I had 2 options at that point, try for keeping me in hospital for 2 more days till 34 weeks so they could get steroids into me for Laine's lung development or I could be to far along to hold off so delivery would take place right away.
I thought everything was going good & I would be stuck in hospital till Monday but my Dr came up & informed me I was 3-6 minutes apart with contractions. They where shocked I was taking labor so well but as it progressed so quickly there was no more time to wait. I was prepped for surgery & warned about the pain this time as I am allergic to Morphine so using that in the spinal block as they usually do is not an option. What does that mean..... well just imagine someone cuts you & for a few hours you feel nothing then all the sudden every cut they made comes on like a freight train. At least I was warned!
Surgery was ok besides me loosing to much blood & starting to crash b/f Laine even was out of my belly. As soon as they pulled him out he made the best screams.... When you go pre term anything can happen but if you hear your baby screaming it is some comfort that he is breathing. Well 5lb 11oz born at 33 weeks was to all the Dr's a great sign. Jokes made about if I had gone full term how he would have been 9pd plus. They brought him right to my face to give him a kiss. He was beautiful & huge was all I could think. The anesthesiologist stayed at my head the entire time telling me how well all was going & how great it was that the NICU ppl stayed in the room with him. He said you worry when they rush off immediately. I cried as I watched them take care of my son. He would get quite & I would ask if all was good but he would take a break in between screams. The assured me all was fine....
They took him up to NICU & finished putting my stomach back together. That seemed to take forever compared to them getting in. Once in recovery they said once I could start moving my toes I would be wheeled up to see Laine. I tried with all my might to get my legs moving. Little did I know once that took place that train I told you about earlier would hit me with pain..... 2 shots later of a hard pain killers barely touched it, but I still gritted my teeth & wanted to go see my son. All he had was me, no one else was there with me so as a Mom I had to get moving to take care of him.
Seeing him that night was amazing..... He was so big for being a preemie but just as cute as a button. He would stop his crying as soon as I was there touching him.
After that night my life would never be the same but all for the better. There are only 2 loves in my life... My daughter & my son.
So each day with my son is a gift to me. He was born at 33 weeks.... I had no idea my water broke, I just thought I was leaking. You know all the women tell ya you pee yourself during pregnancy. Hmmm not my case as I went to my perinatologist to get swabbed to make sure it was nothing. I was at a high risk Dr due to my seizures which i had under control for about 2 years with a macrobiotic diet. The great thing about a specialist is a small practice, only dealing with 1 nurse, & personalized care. As I walked in that day I watched another woman pace the room in pain, I thought wow she is ready to drop. I just sat & played with my iPhone, chatting with my g/f's, making plans, & playing games.
Barb the nurse called me back. I thought wow I am gonna wait a while since this other woman seems in major pain if not labor. I hop on table, tell Barb about my great trip to Delaware, & we listen to Laine's heartbeat. I then have one of those braxton hicks... well Barb asks how many of them I had since getting to office, I say maybe 4 or 5. She is always calm but states she is having the Dr come in as soon as he walks out from the other room. Usually Barb leaves the room so you wait for Dr but now she would not close door & stood right by it as she shuffled other patients around always popping head in to see how I was. The Dr walks in and starts explaining pre term labor so he says he is gonna have them stress test me. That is until he looks in & tells me my membranes had ruptured. They tell me I am going upstairs to be monitored as there is nothing they can do to stop labor once your water breaks.
As I go upstairs I get many people coming into room.... First the resident Dr & nurse, they tell me of how they will monitor the baby & me to see how this will progress. Then the NICU Dr & nurse, then the anesthesiologist. Once they left the last nurse said oh don't have anyone rush over you will be here a while. I had 2 options at that point, try for keeping me in hospital for 2 more days till 34 weeks so they could get steroids into me for Laine's lung development or I could be to far along to hold off so delivery would take place right away.
I thought everything was going good & I would be stuck in hospital till Monday but my Dr came up & informed me I was 3-6 minutes apart with contractions. They where shocked I was taking labor so well but as it progressed so quickly there was no more time to wait. I was prepped for surgery & warned about the pain this time as I am allergic to Morphine so using that in the spinal block as they usually do is not an option. What does that mean..... well just imagine someone cuts you & for a few hours you feel nothing then all the sudden every cut they made comes on like a freight train. At least I was warned!
Surgery was ok besides me loosing to much blood & starting to crash b/f Laine even was out of my belly. As soon as they pulled him out he made the best screams.... When you go pre term anything can happen but if you hear your baby screaming it is some comfort that he is breathing. Well 5lb 11oz born at 33 weeks was to all the Dr's a great sign. Jokes made about if I had gone full term how he would have been 9pd plus. They brought him right to my face to give him a kiss. He was beautiful & huge was all I could think. The anesthesiologist stayed at my head the entire time telling me how well all was going & how great it was that the NICU ppl stayed in the room with him. He said you worry when they rush off immediately. I cried as I watched them take care of my son. He would get quite & I would ask if all was good but he would take a break in between screams. The assured me all was fine....
They took him up to NICU & finished putting my stomach back together. That seemed to take forever compared to them getting in. Once in recovery they said once I could start moving my toes I would be wheeled up to see Laine. I tried with all my might to get my legs moving. Little did I know once that took place that train I told you about earlier would hit me with pain..... 2 shots later of a hard pain killers barely touched it, but I still gritted my teeth & wanted to go see my son. All he had was me, no one else was there with me so as a Mom I had to get moving to take care of him.
Seeing him that night was amazing..... He was so big for being a preemie but just as cute as a button. He would stop his crying as soon as I was there touching him.
After that night my life would never be the same but all for the better. There are only 2 loves in my life... My daughter & my son.
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